Summary

Has a lack of confidence kept you from doing something that you know you wanted to do? This is an issue that has caused me to miss out on many opportunities in the past and it is one of the most common issues I see plaguing men today.

I don’t want to come to the end of my life and look back with regret because I was scared to do the things I always wanted to do. I don’t want to look back with regret knowing I let a lack of confidence keep me from chasing my dreams and pursuing God-sized goals. And I know you don’t want that either.

So today I want to give you 5 ways to grow in self-confidence.

1. develop the habit of remembrance

As a man of God, your confidence must start with God. That is a confidence that cannot be shaken no matter what circumstances you are facing. Get in the habit of writing down the God moments in your life so you can go back and revisit them in difficult moments. When you remember who God is and what He has done in your life, you can walk in confidence.

2. Stick to the Commitments You Make to Yourself

If you want to build confidence, start with some small actions that you can take and commit to sticking to them no matter what. You will build confidence as you keep your word. You will build confidence as you take consistent action. You will build confidence as you live in alignment with your vision and values.

3. Grow in competence

Confidence increases with skill and knowledge. Embrace the learning process and practice consistently to gain expertise and confidence in various areas.

4. always be prepared

Preparation reduces nervousness and boosts confidence. Invest time and effort in preparing for tasks and situations to feel more assured and capable.

5. make it about others instead of yourself

Author/Speaker Rory Vaden says, "There is nothing to fear when your mission to serve is clear." Anxiety, nervousness, and fear usually come when we make things about ourselves. When you take your focus off yourself and instead seek to put the focus on helping and serving others, you can walk in greater confidence.

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Transcript

One of the greatest issues plaguing men today is the lack of confidence. This is one of the most common issues I hear in working with men on a regular basis. It is something that I have dealt with for most of my life and something I am continuing to work on.

It is one of the main factors keeping men from fully going after their God-given purpose and mission. It is one of the main factors that is keeping men on the sidelines, instead of in the game. It is one of the main causes of passivity and apathy. 

The enemy knows if he can destroy your confidence, that he can keep you from being the man God created you to be. He knows that a confident man, who is fully alive, living in his passions and pursuing the things God has put on his heart, is a dangerous man. 

I know that if you are here, you want to be a man that steps into your full potential, that lives with boldness, that lives with confidence, and that makes in impact on the world.

I don’t want to come to the end of my life and look back with regret because I was scared to do the things I always wanted to do. I don’t want to look back with regret knowing I let a lack of confidence keep me from chasing my dreams and pursuing God-sized goals. And I know you don’t want that either.

So today I want to give you 5 things that you can do to grow in self-confidence. This is by no means an exhaustive list of ways to grow in confidence, but these are some that have personally helped me so I hope they can be great tools for you to use.

Alright, number 1: Develop the Habit of Remembrance

This is one that you probably don’t usually think of when you are thinking about developing confidence, but it has been one of the most powerful tools I have used to grow in confidence.

All throughout Scripture, God instructs his people to remember the things that He has done. 

In Joshua 4, God dries up the Jordan River so that the Israelits can walk safely across. And he instructs Joshua to have the people pick up 12 stones from the river and build an altar to the Lord so that they always remember what He did for them that day.

At the last supper, Jesus instructs his disciples to take the bread and take the wine and to eat and drink them in remembrance of him. That every time we do that, we would remember the sacrifice he has made

You know why the Lord told us all through scripture to remember the works he has done? It’s because we often get so short sided and so focused on the problem in front of us, that we fail to remember everything that God has done for us in the past. All the times he has come through. All the promises he makes that he will never leave us or forsake us.

When I was going through one of the toughest seasons of my life, I got in the habit of writing down all of the God moments that were happening. God kept showing up in crazy ways and I just made a document in Google Drive where I would write down all the God moments, the lessons learned, the ways he helped me, and showed up time and time again.

It is impossible for me to read that document and not be confident that God has my back. 

It is impossible for me to read that document and not acknowledge the fact that God is with me, he is for me, and he is working in my life. 

True confidence starts with God. True confidence starts when you know Him. When you remember Who He is and What He has done in your life. When He says in Isaiah, “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

When I remember who he is, I know I can live in confidence. When I think back to all the times he has showed up in my life, I know he is with me. When I know that my identity and my validation is secure in a God who is unfailing and unchanging, I can go forward in confidence.

I would encourage you to get in the habit of writing down the God moments in your life. I so many times forget what he is done, but when I go back to those lists, I instantly am reminded that he is with me and he is for me.

As a man of God, your confidence must start with God. That is a confidence that cannot be shaken no matter what circumstances you are facing. That is something that is steady and unchanging. 

I am at my absolute best when I remember who God is and what he has done for me.

Number 2, keep the commitments that you make to yourself

This is a huge one when we talk about developing confidence. This is a much bigger deal than you usually think it is. 

If you want to develop confidence, begin sticking to the commitments you make to yourself. You need to develop the identity that you are someone who comes through. You do that by giving yourself evidence and proof that you are that person. 

If you constantly blow off the commitments you have made, you are telling yourself that your commitments are not worth anything. You are telling yourself that what you say doesn’t matter. 

One of the quickest ways to lose confidence is when you are not living in alignment with your vision and your values. If you are constantly doing things that are not in alignment with who you want to be, you are going to feel that tension. You are going to most likely begin a cycle of negative self talk and beating yourself up.

But in the same way, when you stick to your commitments and you live in alignment with your vision and values, you give yourself votes of confidence. It builds momentum in your life. 

When you tell yourself you are going to wake up early and go to the gym, and you do it, you give yourself a vote of confidence.

When you commit to hanging out with friends and you stick to that commitment even if you feel tired, you are showing yourself that you are a committed person. 

When your actions line up with your words, you will feel a boost of confidence.

Living in integrity is absolutely essential to living a life of true confidence. If you know who you are. You know what you want to be about. You know your mission. You know your values, and then you live in alignment with those…you will feel in immense sense of self-worth and confidence.

The more you do the things you know you are not supposed to do, you are telling yourself that you are not worth the investment. You are telling yourself that you are not a disciplined person, you are not a committed person, you are not a healthy person.

If you want to build confidence, start with some small actions that you can take, and commit to sticking to them. You will build confidence as you keep your word. You will build confidence as you take consistent action. You will build confidence as you build momentum. 

Number 3, grow in competence

Grow in your skills, abilities, and knowledge.

Think back to when you were first learning to ride a bike, it seems terrifying right? It seemed extremely difficult the first time you tried. You probably fell a few times. 

But as you fought through the failures and fought past the learning curve, you grew in confidence. Now you can probably hop on a bike with no worries and in complete confidence because you developed the skill necessary to ride a bike.

This is the same with anything else in life, the more competent you are the more confident you are. 

You do things everyday that you have complete confidence in yourself to do because you have developed the skill or the knowledge necessary to do it well.

So a lot of times, your lack of confidence in different areas can come down to a lack of skill or a lack of knowledge. 

The first day at your new job, you probably didn’t feel extremely confident with all of the new roles and responsibilities. Most tasks probably felt really difficult at first. But as you got training, as you practiced, as you learned and grew in skill, you now can show up and do those activities without even thinking. 

So here’s a very practical thing you can do. When you identity a situation that you are not very confident in, ask yourself, “How can I grow in my competence in this area?” “How can I gain more knowledge?” How can I develop my skill? How can I practice more?

Most of the things you feel a lack of confidence in, you are most likely not taking the time to develop the necessary skills to be confident. You are most likely not putting in the reps it takes to get good and to get more confident. 

You also need to be ok with not being good and not being completely confident right away. Know that the confidence will come as the competence comes. Be ok with not doing it perfect the first time. Be ok with not being completely confident before you try something.

When you understand that there is a process to everything and that you will gain confidence as you gain experience, you can be more willing to jump in and so things before you feel ready. 

As you gain competence, you will gain more confidence.

Number 4, a lot of times it simply comes down to a lack of preparation. 

The times I feel the most nervous and the least confidence, are usually the times when I didn’t take the necessary time and energy to prepare.

If I were to come into this training today with zero preparation, I would be feeling extremely nervous. I would not feel confident in my ability to deliver a good training. 

Think about if you were tasked to give a big business presentation at work. 

If you just threw together a few key points 10 minutes before the presentation and walked up there and tried to wing it, you probably wouldn’t feel very confident in your ability right?

But if you spent a ton of time thinking it all through, developing great slides, getting feedback on it, refining it, and then practicing it a bunch of times, you would feel much more confident when you got up there.

The more prepared you are, the more confident you will be.

When you know you didn’t put in the work your should’ve beforehand, the more nervous you will be and the more you will experience a lack of confidence.

A lot of times in your life, it can be easy to say that you are not a confident person when in reality, you are not a prepared person. 

Think about the areas of your life where you don’t feel confident, how can you become more prepared? What work can you start doing now to grow in that area and to feel prepared the next time you are faced with that situation.

Growth doesn’t just happen automatically. You cannot sit around and hope that things change and that you magically develop confidence. You must put in the work to grow in your skills and to become as prepared as possible. 

This last one is one of my all-time favorites and one you rarely hear when talking about building confidence. I got this from author/speaker Rory Vaden and I realized how true it actually has been in my life as I have reflected on it.

Rory says, “There is no fear, when the mission to serve is clear.” 

When you make everything about you, you will experience a lot of fear, nervousness, and lack of confidence.

When you make it about others, you will lose that fear. 

Fear is typically self-centered. When I am afraid, I am usually thinking things like “what are these people going to say about me?” “Are they going to like me?” “Am I going to do a good job?” “Am I good enough?” 

These are all self-centered thoughts and they will increase my fear.

When I am thinking about “how can I serve these people to the best of my ability?” “How can I love this person?” “How can I encourage them…inspire them.” “How can I make this person’s life better?” 

I typically don’t experience any fear. It is about them. The results are about them. I don’t care what they think of me, I care about how they feel. 

If there was a car accident and someone was injured and you ran up to help them, I guarantee in that moment you aren’t thinking about how your hair looks or if they like your outfit or if that person will like you. No, you are focused on one thing, helping the person. 

When I get on a stage to speak and I am only thinking about how these people are going to receive me, if they will like me, or what they will say about me, then I am terrified. I am a nervous-wreck.

When I step up there knowing that God has given me a message to share, that I want to help people, inspire them to be great, encourage them to pursue their dreams, grow in their relationship with God, the nerves typically settle way down and i stand up there in confidence

The next time you are experiencing a lack of confidence, ask yourself, “how can i serve others in this situation?” “How can I make this about others instead of me?” 

When your intentions are to serve, you won’t be as concerned with your looks or your performance. You will be concerned with others and you can have confidence that your intentions were good and your motives were pure. 

When your mission to serve is clear, you don’t have to fear.

Absolutely life-changing! 

To recap the five practices that will help you grow in confidence

1. Develop the habit of remembrance - Remind yourself often of who God is and what he has done in your life

2. Keep the Commitments you make to yourself - Live in alignment with your vision and your values and you will feel a deep sense of self-worth and confidence

3. Develop Competence - As you grow in your skills and your knowledge, you will develop more confidence. Trust the process and start taking action knowing that more confidence will come as you get better

4. Always be prepared - The more prepared you are, the more confidence you will have

5. Make it About Others instead of yourself

Thanks for joining me today! I hope those 5 practices are helpful. 

You have a God who promises to never leave you or forsake you. You have a God who is for you! You can walk in confidence knowing God made you and he doesn’t make mistakes.

Now go live a life you are proud of by living in intentionally!

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