Let's begin with a quick exercise. Think about the past year. How much have you spent on material things—cars, clothes, gadgets—compared to investments in your growth, like books, courses, or coaching? Now consider where your time goes. How much do you focus on what impresses others versus what develops you internally?
We all have a natural tendency to focus on outward commitments—things others will notice and applaud—rather than inward commitments that no one else will see. The problem is that, over time, this can lead us to neglect our character.
It's easy to prioritize skill-building, especially when we face professional pressures. Yet the truth is, real success in these areas will always come down to character. General Norman Schwarzkopf once said, “Ninety-nine percent of leadership failures are failures of character.” It’s not a lack of skill that brings down leaders, but a failure of character. This is true in every area of life—whether you’re leading a company or leading your family. Skills might take you far, but only character will sustain you.
Just look at some recent public failures of prominent leaders. Many of them were incredibly talented, charismatic, and successful at what they did. But their downfall came from character flaws, not from lack of ability. They focused so much on building competence that they overlooked character, and eventually, the cracks showed.
Don’t get me wrong: I’m all for improving your skills. But character development must be an even higher priority. This is not something that will happen on its own; it requires intentional effort. Every day, we face choices that shape our character. As men, we face immense pressure to provide, succeed, and protect those we love. However, in the end, the strength of our relationships and the quality of our success will depend on who we are inside.
You could be the most skilled person at your job, but if you’re dishonest or cut corners, the results won’t last. You could know every tactic to be a great dad or husband, but if you don’t have a genuine love and integrity, those relationships will falter. This is why character is the foundation of true, lasting success.
A study by Barry Posner and James Kouzes, authors of The Leadership Challenge, found that honesty was the most admired quality in leaders across six continents. This speaks volumes. Honesty is the bedrock of character and integrity. People will follow a leader who is honest—even if they aren’t perfect—because honesty fosters trust and respect.
If you have skill but lack honesty, people will eventually stop trusting you. But if you have honesty and a desire to keep growing, you’ll inspire others and attract opportunities.
Spend Time with God
The ultimate source of character is God. Make connecting with Him a regular practice. Allow His word to guide you and shape your heart.
Serve Others Regularly
Find opportunities to serve, whether at church, in your community, or somewhere that challenges you. The act of serving humbles us and reminds us to focus on others.
Stick to Self-Commitments
Integrity starts when no one’s watching. If you break promises to yourself, you’ll likely do the same when others are around. Set daily commitments and keep them, no matter what.
Develop Strong Habits
Habits are the battleground of character. What you do consistently shapes who you are. Start building habits that reflect the person you want to be.
Invest in Resources that Build Character
Spend time with books, podcasts, and other resources that focus on developing character, not just skills. Seek wisdom that strengthens you from the inside out.
Create Accountability
Find a coach, mentor, or accountability partner who will hold you to your values and commitments. Building character is challenging, but having support makes it easier.
Growth in character doesn’t happen by accident. It requires daily, intentional effort. You don’t want to build a life on a shaky foundation of competence without character, because when the storms come, only a solid foundation will stand.
Reflect on your legacy. At the end of your life, what do you want to be remembered for? Skills and accomplishments are important, but character is the true measure of a person.
I want to start off today with a simple exercise.
In the last year, how much money do you think you have spent on material possessions - cars, clothes, electronics, golf clubs, hunting gear, fishing gear, etc. vs how much do you think you have spent on things that help you grow internally like books, conferences, seminars, trainings, or coaching?
What do you think you have spent more money on?
Now think about your time - how much time do you spend thinking about or working on things that will be impressive to other people vs things that will help you grow internally?
Is your time more focused on impressing other people? Or doing things that truly matter to you individually?
How much of your energy is spent doing things to impress others?
And that last one, audit your actions when no one is looking compared to when someone is watching you…are your actions the same? Do you work just as hard when it is only for you as it is when someone is watching? Do you do things with just as much excellence when it’s only yourself to impress as it is when someone else might be impressed with your actions?
These are some good things to think about!
That last one really got me. In all honesty, I am way more incentivized to work hard or do things with excellence when there is some sort of social reward vs when it is just for myself or for God.
Oftentimes, I would rather develop skills that would be impressive to other people, instead of focusing my time, energy, and attention on developing as a person.
Can you relate to that?
Are you more likely to stick to a commitment you made at work that will get you some sort of social recognition or a commitment you made to yourself that no one else will see?
Our natural tendency is to stick to the outward commitments more than the inward commitments. Our natural tendency is to put way more weight on how we are being perceived by others then how we are perceiving ourselves internally.
So today, I want to talk about growing in character. It’s easy to focus on growing in key skills in your life, but oftentimes, we neglect intentionally growing our character.
General Norman Schwarzkopf said, “Ninety-nine percent of leadership failure are failures of character.”
Think about the some of the people recently who have had public failures. Pretty much all of the ones that I can think of are failures of character and not failures of competence.
I think of some of the pastors that have fallen recently. They are matters of character. They are usually moral failures.
These well-known pastors were some of the most skilled and competent people on the planet at their job. They were incredible speakers. They were good communicators. They were good at writing sermons and writing books. They had some great leadership skills.
It wasn’t the fact that they weren’t good at their jobs that ultimately caused them to fail…it was a failure of character.
In general, people focus too much on competence and not enough on character. I 100% believe that you should grow in your skills, but you must play an even higher emphasis on continuing to grow in your character at the same time.
And just like most things in life, this doesn’t just automatically happen. You must be highly intentional about it.
As a man, there is a lot being thrown at you all the time. You have the pressure of doing well in your career. You have the pressure of providing for and protecting your family. You want to be a good dad and a good husband. You want to become really good at your job and continue to grow in your strengths.
But ultimately, in the long-run, your success in these areas will come down to your character.
You could know everything you need to know about your job, but if you cut corners, lie, and cheat to get to the top, eventually things will come crashing down.
You could know all of the tactics and methods to be a good husband and a good dad, but if you don’t have a genuine love for your family and if you are not a man of integrity, ultimately those relationships will fall apart.
In a study done by the author’s of the book the “Leadership Challenge” - Barry Posner and James Kouzes asked over 75,000 people on 6 different continents what quality they most admired in leaders. And the most common answer to that question was honesty.
Honesty is at the core of character. It is the core of integrity.
The best leaders are committed to honesty.
The answer to this survey wasn’t some skill like communication or the ability to make great strategies…it was honesty.
People like to follow people who are honest and who live with integrity. If you have skill without honesty, eventually, people will not want to follow you.
But if you have honesty, and continue to develop skill, people will follow.
So here is the key question for you today. How much time and effort are you putting in to grow in your character?
Are you being intentional in your character development? Or are you just hoping that it just luckily gets better with time. Luck is not a good strategy. Intentionally growing in character is the best strategy.
If your answers to the questions at the start of this training were that you were more focused on your outward appearance than your inward appearance, you might not be focusing on your character enough.
If you are way more motivated for public recognition than you are when it’s just for you, then you might need to focus more on developing your character than your reputation.
I have heard it said that reputation comes from what others believe about us, and character represents who we truly are on the inside.
In John Maxwell’s 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth, he has what he calls the Law of the Ladder which states, “Your character growth determines the height of your personal growth.”
He says “People often focus on professional capacity without developing character and it almost always costs them in the end. It costs them personal relationships and their career.”
If you are only focused on your outward appearance, you might get some good results and some affirmation initially, but you are building on a shaky foundation that could collapse at any point.
Proverbs 10:9 says, “People with integrity walk safely, but those who follow crooked paths will be exposed.”
At some point, a lack of character will be exposed and the pain will be much greater than the pain of developing your character now.
Think about the end of your life, think about the legacy you want to leave. Are skills and accomplishments going to be the things you want to be remembered for? Or will it be your character and how you treated others?
If it’s the latter, you must start getting intentional about building your character.
So here are some things you can start doing right now to invest in your character develop.
1. The obvious answer, but the most important, you must spend time with God - the one who has perfect character. This may seem like the common sense answer, but let me ask you, is it the common practice of your life? There is a big difference between knowing and doing. Truly look at your life, are you investing enough time and energy in your relationship with God? Are you being formed by him? Are you being formed by his word? Are you connecting to the vine regularly to have him grow your character to be more like Jesus.
2. Start investing intentional time in serving others. Actually go serve somewhere in your community. It could be your church, it could be at a homeless shelter, or in your neighborhood, but do something on a regular basis that pulls you out of your comfort zone, takes the focus off of yourself and puts it on others.
I’m sure you know the Golden Rule: do unto others as you would have them do to you. Jesus literally said that this phrase sums up the law and the prophets. Again, probably common knowledge to most of you, but is it common practice.
Consistently and intentionally spending time serving without expecting anything in return is a great way to build your character.
3. The next one is to truly stick to the commitments you make to yourself. If you are in the habit of cutting corners when you are by yourself, you are going to do that when you are in other situations
Former US Senator Dan Coats said, “Character cannot be summoned at the moment of crisis if it has been squandered by years of compromise and rationalization. The only testing ground for the heroic is the mundane. The only preparation for that one profound decision which can change a life, or even a nation, is those hundreds of half-conscious, self-define, seemingly insignificant decisions in private. Habits the daily battleground of character.”
Wow, habits is the daily battleground of character.
What you choose to do on a daily basis is building your character. How you do anything is typically how you do everything. You need to treat each situation as an opportunity to grow in character. Treat each situation as an opportunity to grow in integrity and humility.
If you blow off your commitments to yourself day in and day out, you are telling yourself that you are not a committed person. The person that you are leading everyday is you. You are the leader of your life. And if honesty is the most important aspect of leadership, you must be honest with yourself and you must do the things that you said you were going to do.
I would encourage you to set 3 commitments at the beginning of each day. Set three things that you are 100% committed to doing and do those things at all costs. As you make progress and stick to those commitments, you will give yourself votes of confidence that you are a committed person and a person who does what they say they will do.
4. And then the last step would be to invest time and money into books, podcasts, trainings, coaching, and other resources that will help you grow in character. Don’t only read books about growing in skills, also read books about developing integrity. Read books that help you grow spiritually. Read books that help you grow as a leader or as a husband.
Don’t only listen to podcasts about making money, also listen to podcasts that challenge you to grow in your character.
Get a coach or an accountability group of friends that will help you stick to your commitments and help you live in alignment with the man you want to be.
I guarantee if you spent 15 minutes today thinking through ways to grow in character, you could come up with a good list of resources that you could use right away.
Character growth doesn’t just happen by accident, you must be intentional about it
I hope today was encouraging. And I hope you feel better equipped to grow in character. If you have any other suggestions to the community about ways to grow in character that have worked for you, please leave a comment.
Also, please share this with anyone that you think might find it valuable.
Thanks for joining me today. Go live a life you are proud of by living intentionally!
