I came across a story recently that deeply moved me. It inspired me—but even more than that, it got me thinking about our relationship with fear.
As a coach, I get the privilege of working with men on a regular basis. And I can tell you this: fear is one of the most common things holding men back from the lives they were created to live. Fear of failure. Fear of not being good enough. Fear of rejection.
Sometimes it’s loud and obvious. Other times, it hides beneath layers of passivity or distraction. But if you dig deep enough, fear is often the root of our inaction.
That’s why the story of Dakota Meyer hit me so hard.
Dakota Meyer is a U.S. Marine and Medal of Honor recipient. In 2009, while serving in Afghanistan, a group of Marines and Afghan soldiers walked into a deadly ambush. Meyer, hearing the chaos over the radio, realized his brothers were trapped in a kill zone.
Without hesitation, he and another Marine jumped into a Humvee and drove straight into danger. Dakota manned the machine gun while his partner drove. Not once, not twice—but five times—he entered that kill zone to evacuate soldiers.
On his fifth trip, Dakota got out of the Humvee and personally retrieved the bodies of four fallen soldiers, carrying each one out on foot. His bravery saved at least 35 lives.
When asked how he found the courage to do it, Dakota said:
“I didn’t go in to be a hero. I went in because my brothers were out there.”
His motivation wasn’t about himself—it was about them.
He was more afraid of letting his brothers die than he was of dying himself.
He was motivated by love and service.
The call to serve was louder than the voice of fear.
We often think the solution to fear is just to "be more courageous." Grit your teeth. Push through. Be brave.
But if we’re honest, that doesn’t always work. You don’t always feel like you can summon enough courage. Fear is LOUD. It’s paralyzing.
But here’s a radical thought:
What if the real solution to fear isn’t courage... but service?
That’s what Dakota taught me. His love for others—his willingness to serve—overpowered his fear. And that same principle can change your life too.
Author Rory Vaden puts it like this:
“Fear is an entirely self-centered concept. You only experience fear when you are thinking about yourself. You tend to not experience fear when you are thinking about others.”
That one stopped me in my tracks.
Think about it—when you’re scared to speak up, or afraid to share your faith, or hesitant to chase that dream… who are you thinking about? Yourself.
What if they don’t like me?
What if I fail?
What if I look stupid?
That’s fear talking. But fear loses its grip when you shift your focus to others.
Almost every time I speak—whether live or on video—I get nervous. I wonder, “Will people like this? Will they think it’s good? Am I funny enough? Smart enough?”
In those moments, fear grabs hold. I procrastinate. I distract myself.
But then I remind myself: This isn’t about me.
I didn’t start speaking to be liked. I started because I believe in helping men live with intention. When I shift my focus from impression to impact, the fear melts away.
Why? Because now I’m focused on serving.
There is no fear when the mission to serve is clear.
— Rory Vaden
Scripture has been saying this all along.
“If you spend yourselves on behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,
then your light will rise in the darkness.” – Isaiah 58:10
“Whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.” – Matthew 10:39
“The Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve.” – Matthew 20:28
Jesus—the one person who had every right to live for himself—chose to serve. He modeled the kind of life that’s free from fear because it’s filled with purpose.
Let’s talk about a few specific fears I hear from men all the time:
This one’s personal. I’ve battled it most of my life.
So many men tie their identity to performance. If I fail, I feel like I am a failure.
But when your motivation is service, there is no failure. You’re not doing it to impress—you’re doing it to impact. And impact isn’t always measured in success, but in faithfulness.
When I moved to Nashville after a lifetime in Colorado, I barely knew anyone.
When I walked into rooms worried about being liked, I was paralyzed. But when I walked in just to encourage others, listen well, and be present, the nerves went away.
It’s not about being the most interesting person in the room.
It’s about being the most interested person in the room.
Here’s a simple mindset shift that has helped me:
Whenever you feel anxious or afraid, ask yourself:
"How can I serve right now?"
Make it about others.
Before a meeting: “How can I encourage someone today?”
Before a workout: “How will this help me be stronger for my family?”
Before a presentation: “Whose life could this help change?”
Before a song or creative work: “How could this inspire someone else?”
When the mission to serve is clear, fear loses its power.
We live in a culture that constantly tells you to focus on you—your brand, your image, your comfort. But that only breeds anxiety and fear.
If you’re not intentional, you’ll drift toward self-centered living. I know I do. But when I catch it and reset my focus on others, I find freedom. Joy. Peace. Strength.
Where are you stuck?
Where is fear holding you back?
What’s one way you could shift your focus from self to service?
Let this truth lead you:
There is no reason to fear when the mission to serve is clear.
If even Jesus came to serve, then let’s make that our daily goal.
I recently came across a story that really moved me. It is inspiring, but also got me thinking a lot about our relationship to fear.
I get the privilege of working with men on a regular basis, and one of the common things holding men back in so many different areas of their lives is fear - fear of failure, fear of not being good enough, fear of rejection
Sometimes it's hard to even notice that this exists, but oftentimes, deep down, this is a root cause of so much inaction and distraction.
I read a story of a man named Dakota Meyer - he was a marine and a Medal of Honor Recipient.
In 2009, Meyer was in Afghanistan, assigned to a joint U.S.-Afghan patrol that was tasked with meeting local leaders.
One day, a group of U.S. Marines and Afghan soldiers walked into a deadly ambush by a heavily armed Taliban force in a narrow valley.
Meyer was listening to this ambush happening over the radio and knew that his friends were trapped.
At once, he and another Marine jumped into a Humvee and drove straight into the kill zone. Meyer was manning the machine gun while the other marine drove.
He went into the zone and started helping the soldiers evacuate safely. He actually went back to this spot to rescue guys 5 different times.
On this fifth trip, Meyer dismounted from the Humvee and went searching for his missing team. He discovered the bodies of 4 different men and carried them each out one by one.
In the end, he saved the lives of at least 35 soldiers.
He was awarded the Medal of Honor for his bravery that day.
When people asked him why he went in that day and how he had the courage to do so, he responded by saying “I didn’t go in to be a hero. I went in because my brothers were out there.”
The reason he had the courage was because he was motivated to save his fellow soldiers. He was more afraid of letting his fellow brothers die than he was afraid of dying himself. He was motivated by service. He was motivated by love.
In a moment that would probably be the scariest moment of his life, he was able to push past fear. Why? Because he was motivated by a higher calling of service to his brothers.
The call to serve was louder than the voice of fear.
I think oftentimes, it’s easier to assume that the solution to fear is courage. You just have to grit your teeth, summon courage, and the fear will just disappear.
But if we are speaking honestly, it’s not always easier to just summon enough courage when you are fearful. It’s not easy to just find the motivation. Fear speaks very loudly at times.
What if courage isn’t the perfect solution to fear. What if the real solution to fear is service?
The reason that Dakota Meyer was able to push past the fear of dying was because he was singular focused on serving and saving his brothers.
His love and loyalty for his brothers is what allowed him to jump into action without even thinking. It’s what allowed him to go back 5 separate times. It’s what allowed him to risk his life over and over - he was motivated by service. He was putting the other's needs far above his own.
Like I mentioned before, fear is one of the main things that is most likely holding you back from God’s best for your life.
Whether you are aware of it or not, if you really dig down deep to the root of some of your passivity or your inaction, there is probably some sort of fear.
You might be afraid of making a mistake or looking like a failure. You might be afraid of what others might think of you or what they might say about you. You might be afraid that you are going to let people down or afraid that you will put yourself out there and be met with rejection.
Underneath passivity. Underneath distraction, there is usually fear.
Rory Vaden has a quote in his new book where he says, “Here is something to know about fear that you may have never noticed before: Fear is an entirely self-centered concept. You only experience fear when you are thinking about yourself. You tend to not experience fear when you are thinking about others.”
Wow.
Have you ever thought of that before? You only experience fear when you are thinking about yourself and you tend to not experience fear when you are thinking about others.
Think about it. So many of the things driving your fear or because you are worried about what people are going to think about “YOU”
You are worried if YOU are going to be good enough. You are worried if YOU are going to look good. If YOU are going to be liked. If YOU are smart enough, engaging enough, funny enough…
When you are afraid to share the gospel with someone that you know, you are most likely more concerned with yourself and your comfort than the salvation of the other person.
My hand is raised for that one. I do this all the time. I ask myself things like “What if they don’t like me? What if they think I am being judgmental? What if they ask me something that I am not going to know the answer to?
Do you realize what all those thoughts are? Self-focused
I am more concerned with being liked than loving and serving them.
I’ll be perfectly honest with you. Almost every time I speak, whether it’s in front of a live audience or on video, I get nervous. I start worrying if anyone is going to like what I have to say. I worry if I’m going to be funny enough or engaging enough. I worry that I’m going to say something stupid. I worry that people are going to disagree with me or just not think that it’s any good.
When I am having those thoughts, I am consumed with fear. I feel anxious. I procrastinate. I distract myself with other things to try and calm the fear.
But then I have to catch myself and remind myself that I never started speaking or started this podcast to be liked. I started because I felt like God gave me a passion and a mission to help men fight back against passivity and live lives of intentionality.
When I reset my focus on service, the nerves go away. I am consumed with a calling that is greater than myself. I am willing to take action because I want to help others.
Think of the times where you have been serving someone with nothing expected in return. I almost guarantee you that you weren’t thinking about yourself in those moments. And I bet you were not filled with fear or anxiety.
Rory Vaden goes on to say in that same chapter something that has really stuck with me. He says, “There is no fear when the mission to serve is clear.”
There is no reason to fear when the mission to serve is clear.
That was the truth for Dakota Meyer when he saved his brothers.
That’s the truth for me when I am fearful about speaking
And I believe that will be the truth in your life the next time you are paralyzed by fear.
The solution to fear is service.
When you take the focus off of yourself and just focus on loving and serving others, you no longer are concerned about how you look or how good you are, you are just completely focused on meeting the other person's needs.
I think we have so many anxious and fearful men right now because we live in a culture that is obsessed with self. Every message that you see is trying to sell you on something to make you look better. So much of our lives are completely consumed with our agendas, our dreams, our comfort, and our pleasure.
If you are not intentional, it is very easy to get distracted and focus entirely on yourself. I do this every day all day long if I am not proactive. And when I’m just focused on myself, I feel fear. I feel anxious. I feel worry and stress.
But when I forget myself and serve a higher calling, when I focus on others…I am usually way less fearful.
Let’s look at what the Bible has to say about this. It’s been telling us about this counterculturing way of living the whole time.
Isaiah 58:10 says, “And if you spend yourselves on behalf of the needy and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, then your light will rise in the darkness and your night will become like the noonday.”
When you spend yourself for others. When you give of yourself to benefit others…what does it say? That’s when your light rises in the darkness.
In Matthew 10:39 it says “Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it.”
We find life when we die to ourselves. We find life when we take up God’s purposes for our lives. We find life when we live for others instead of ourselves.
Jesus says in Matthew 20 that the Son of Man came not to be served, but to serve.
If there was ever anyone who walked this earth that had the right to be self-focused, it was Jesus. He is God. He is worthy of all glory, praise, and worship. Yet he set us the perfect example of how to live by saying he came to serve.
You find life. You find courage. You find strength when you lay down your life for others.
I want you to think about your life right now. Where in life do you feel stuck? Where in life do you feel fearful?
How can you start to focus more on serving others than yourself? How can you put more significance into your story?
Let’s look at some of the most common fears that men have.
Fear of Failure.
I hear this one all the time and this is one that I have battled over and over in my life. Is this one that you have experienced or are experiencing currently? Fear of failure usually creeps in with men because we tie so much of our identity to our performance.
If my identity is completely tied up in how well I do at something, it can be incredibly scary to step out and take any risks. If I make mistakes or I don’t do as well as people expect, then it feels like I am a failure.
From a young age, men are usually taught - whether it’s directly or indirectly - that their value comes from what they do, not just who they are.
Usually the first question you are asked is “what do you do?”. When people ask you how you are doing, usually the first thoughts that pop into your mind are about work or some kind of thing you are trying to achieve.
Men can easily be caught up in trying to be validated through their work or through their athletic performance or through their musical abilities. If this is the case, the fear of failure can be absolutely daunting.
But let’s take a look at our solution - service.
The fear of failure is completely focused on self. I am scared I’m not going to succeed. I am a failure if I don’t perform.
But here’s the catch, there is no failure if your motives are service. There is no failure if you are focused on impacting others.
There is no reason to fear when the mission to serve is clear. Service automatically takes the focus off of you and puts it on others. When you are only concerned with impacting and loving on others, you don’t even notice if you’re doing a good job.
Let’s look at another big fear, the fear of rejection. The fear of people’s opinions.
I’ll give you a quick example from my personal life. I just moved to Nashville, Tennessee after being in Colorado my entire life. I only know a few people out here. So pretty much everywhere I go I am meeting new people.
When I walk into a room and I’m just hoping people love me. When I’m worried about if I am going to come across a certain way or if people are going to think I’m a fun person, or if I’m funny enough, or outgoing enough…when I’m worried about all of those things, I become super nervous.
I feel like all the eyes are on me and I better be at my best in order to be accepted or to make new friends. That is paralyzing. Walking into a room self-conscious and completely self-focused causes a lot of fear because I better perform well or I’m not going to be liked.
But when I walk into a room just looking to encourage people, get to know people’s stories, look for ways to bless them or just bring joy into their lives, the fear goes away. The focus is not on me anymore, it's not on them. I don’t have to be anything special, I just have to serve. I don’t have to be the most charismatic person in the room, I just have to be the most caring person in the room.
Ask good questions. Listen well. Take genuine interest in people’s lives and it’s not scary at all.
Don’t seek to be the most “Interesting” person in the room. Seek to be the most “Interested” person in the room. Be curious about others lives and look to encourage people and the fear of people’s opinions will become way less of an obstacle.
This doesn’t mean you will never experience fear again. I experience it multiple times everyday. But use this as a tool to fight against it. When you feel fear rising or you feel anxious, stop and think how you can make whatever you are doing about others instead of yourself.
Think about how your work is going to impact others
Think about how your workout is going to enable you to have more energy for your family
Think about how this presentation has the chance to change people’s lives
Think about how your music could inspire others to chase their dreams or to release their own music.
Before you walk into your next meeting, think about how you want to encourage people when you are there. Think about how you can make the meeting the most fun for the people involved.
If you are going into a job interview, think about how you could best serve the company.
Use this as a tool to take action. When you feel distracted, ask yourself what is causing you to run to distractions. What is the fear or the stress underneath that is causing you to procrastinate or distract yourself?
When you find yourself stuck and not taking action on your dreams, reconnect to the mission.
If even Jesus came to serve and not to be served, let’s use him as our blueprint of how to go through each day.
There is no reason to fear when the mission to serve is clear.
I hope this was helpful. I hope it gives you a tool that you can use this week as you go through each day.
Please share this with someone today as a way to serve and encourage them!
Thank you for joining me today! Go live a life you are proud of by living intentionally.
