The last few weeks, I’ve been in a mini series talking about the subtle distractions the enemy is using to take away a man’s focus from what truly matters the most - living for God and his purposes in life.

We have taken a look at busyness, comfort, and the pursuit of success, and now today I want to wrap it up by talking about a big one: the approval of others.

Is your desire to be liked, accepted, or approved by others distracting you from living a life that is fully surrendered to God?

I can honestly say that this one is a constant battle in my life. 

God created us for community. He created us to be relational beings. He has put in us a desire to live in relationship with other people. But man, sometimes, the desire to be liked or to fit in can become a big time distraction from what really matters.

Think about how many decisions you make that are to please someone else or to get their approval? If you’re being honest, it is probably a lot. 

I can honestly say, this will drive a lot of my decisions if I’m not intentional about it. 

How many clothing items have you bought because you wanted someone’s approval? What about your car? What about your house or apartment? What about your career? Sometimes even your career choice was made because you wanted the money to impress others or you thought it’s what your parents wanted you to do. 

Now, there is nothing wrong with fitting in, there is nothing wrong with having people like you, but when those things become your motivation and the driving force behind your life, then it can become a problem.

If you wake up each day just thinking about how you are going to get people to like you or how you are going to prove yourself to someone else, then you probably aren’t too focused on God and what he wants to do in your life. 

That’s where this can become a distraction from what matters the most. 

If the enemy can get you so consumed with trying to fit in, then he has you sidetracked from living for God’s approval and God’s purposes.

Anything, even if it can be a good thing, that takes you away from living a life surrendered to God and his purposes, can be a distraction. 

That’s why I think this one is something you must be really careful about and something you must proactively fight against. 

Searching for the approval of others or being worried about what they are going to think about me has caused me to not be obedient and bold in my faith so many different times in my life. I will be the first to raise my hand and say this one has been a distraction in my life.

When I first got started with this mission to help men live intentional lives and keep their lives focused on what matters the most, I was overwhelmed with fears about not being good enough, about being criticised, about coming across a certain way, about failing or looking stupid if things didn’t go well.

Those thoughts were paralyzing and caused me to delay my obedience to the mission I feel like God gave me. Those thoughts are all driven by living for the approval of others. 

Being afraid to share my faith because of what others might think of me, that’s driven by my desire to fit in and not driven by a desire to be obedient to the Lord.

You can see how this can be such a huge distraction in our lives if we let it. 

Always seeking the approval of others is a never ending battle that you can’t win. 

I just read James 4:4 where it says “You adulterers! Don’t you realize that friendship with the world makes you an enemy of God? I say it again: If you want to be a friend of the world, you make yourself an enemy of God.”

This is a tough verse. If you are so consumed with needing the approval of others and that is what you are living for, then you will be an enemy of God. 

You can’t fully live for others and live fully for God at the same time. You are living for one or the other.

There are so many warnings in Scripture about this. 

Galatians 1:10 says, “Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.”

People who are constantly trying to win the approval of others are not serving the Lord. 

Take a quick look at your life right now. In the last week, in the last few days, have your decisions and actions been driven by God and his purposes? Or have they been driven by a desire to win others approval?

If it has been to win others approval, don’t beat yourself up, that will happen if you arent’ intentional. But make it a priority from today forward that you are going to live for eternity, that you are going to live for God’s approval instead of the approval of others. And then intentionally remind yourself that often because if you’re like me, you will fall right back into it if you don’t intentionally focus your life on the Lord each day.

A phrase that I have been repeating to myself often recently that has helped in this area is to Pursue Private Victories Over Public Recognition. 

What you do in private reveals your character. What you do when no one is looking shows your integrity. 

I want to get way more excited when I do something for the Lord when no one is looking because it reveals that I care about doing it for him and not for other people. 

I want the people who know me the best to respect me the most. I want the people to see who I am on a daily basis, to see that I follow the Lord the same way whether I’m in private or in front of people. 

God literally sees everything that you do. Are you the same person when you are by yourself as you are in front of others?

A lot of times, when you are just living for worldly success, you will only do things for people’s approval. When you are going to be seen in a certain way, that is when you will act at your best. That is not true character. True character and integrity is being the same in private as you are in public.

I’ve been trying recently to put way more emphasis and weight on my private victories than my public ones because I believe that reveals more of my motives and more of my character.

Spending time in the secret place, alone with the Lord, worshipping him there and loving him there, feels like a bigger win to me because I’m not motivated by anyone else’s opinions.

I think the more time that you have in public, the more time you need to spend with the Lord.

The more you are in front of people leading, the more time you need to be on your knees being led by the Lord.

The more you are building your business, or your ministry, or your influence, the more you need to invest in the secret place. 

I think the biggest wins in life are the private ones. When you choose to get up early and spend time with the Lord just because you love Him. When you decide to not to cheat when no one is looking because of your integrity. When you decide to spend hours developing your gift or your passion because it’s being a good steward of what God has given you.

When you give generously even if no one sees. 

When you stick to your commitments. 

When you come home and love your wife and your kids the way they deserve, not just because someone is watching to see if you are a good husband or father.

Start to get excited about the private victories.

Anytime you are in public, it should be a reflection of all the hours spent in secret obedience to the Lord. It should be the fruit of all the hours you have spent developing your character with the Lord. 

Who you are when no one is looking is a true reflection of your character and if your life is surrendered to the Lord or not. 

Live for Private Victories before Public Recognition. Live for the approval of God instead of others. Have those who are closest to you respect you the most. 

Keep your eyes fixed on Jesus - the author and perfector of your faith. He is the reason you are alive. He is the reason you have purpose. He is worthy of your time and your attention and your obedience. Everything that you have is from him and for him. 

Let’s be men that live for God and his kingdom above the approval of others. 

I believe in you! I’m thankful for you! And I can’t wait to see how God continues to use you as you fix your eyes on what matters the most.

Thanks for joining me today! Share this with someone you know if it was helpful for you. 

Go live a life you are proud of by living intentionally.